Secrets for A Long-Lasting Marriage

From My Readings This Week: This posting is inspired from my recent meal time conversation with a THD couple residents who have been married for over 68 years.  

I have been married to one person for over 63 years, but now living alone since 2022.  I was often ask what my secrets or formula I had to attain that goal. My serious answer was always: Communication, Patience and Love.  My non-serious answer was; Made my wife thinks she is the boss, but in reality I am! Or Made you wife thinks she is the Boss, But in reality You Are!

My Wedding Day- May 8, 1957,  Boac, Marinduque, Philippines

Here are 8 traits of a long-lasting marriage that you can put into practice today, if you are still married. 

1. Understand compromise

Every couple in existence will have a conflict or some form of obstacle throughout their relationship. Some more severe than others. The number one thing to be resilient in the face of adversity is understanding how to compromise. Being able to solve problems together is crucial to a resilient marriage. This means knowing the needs and priorities of your partner and vice versa to clearly communicate and find common ground. Don’t throw in the towel to just “get it over.” True compromise is sitting and listening with an open mind to each other until each person feels heard and understood, and then making a mutual decision TOGETHER. 

2. Show emotion and be vulnerable

Gone are the days when men used to hide their emotions. Understanding and being in tune with your feelings and emotions can help you show compassion towards your partner in times of conflict. By showing your partner compassion, you are showing that you care and respect your partner. The vulnerability is what connects people and helps form the foundational bond of a long-lasting relationship. If we aren’t vulnerable, we aren’t connected. And if we’re not connected, we’re not in a real relationship.

3. Trust fully in your spouse

Trust is a major indicator of a resilient marriage and one of the most important things to keep strong in a marriage. If trust is broken or taken away, long-term work will have to be put in to redeem the relationship, and the trust may never come back. Trust isn’t just about infidelity, it’s about knowing that you are secure, your deepest thoughts are protected, and that no matter what your spouse will be there to love and support you in the long run.

4. Show physical affection- be intimate!

The last thing you want to happen in your marriage is to feel like you are platonic roommates. Physical intimacy is a strong foundation for a happy marriage and is what keeps your bond evolving and growing as time goes on. Intimacy helps you feel truly loved and accepted by your spouse and improves loyalty, honesty, and appreciation towards one another. Physical intimacy helps connect you together and makes you feel wanted and loved by your partner.

5. Respect one another

If you feel respected by your spouse and vice versa, you will grow security and confidence in your marriage. Respecting your partner in difficult times and in difficult situations (both within and outside of your relationship) helps your spouse feel truly appreciated and loved. When we care about others, we show them respect. So if you aren’t respecting your partner you’re sending the message that you don’t care about them.

6. Appreciate each and every moment of your time spent together

This means practicing mindfulness and being present. This could be putting your phone away during meals, eating together without the TV on and talking about your day, giving your spouse your full attention when together and showing them that you are there for them instead of just physically being by their side. Try an experiment: take a minimum of 15 minutes each day of 1 week to truly be present with your partner – see what happens.

7. Be best friends

Having a solid friendship with your spouse is the foundation of a happy marriage. You know each other better than you may know your close friends, you can laugh with each other and enjoy spur of the moment adventures, and can share many exciting memories as best friends would. By being your spouse’s friend, you will strengthen your relationship long-term and will know that you will be by each other’s side no matter what. Share secrets, tell stories, laugh together, cry together and explore together.

8. Make your marriage a priority in life

If you want your marriage to be resilient, you need to put your marriage first. Your spouse is not only your lover but your life partner and will be by your side throughout your entire life. Someone who has dedicated their life to you should be your number one priority. By making each other a priority, you are practicing the art of mutual respect, being in the moment, and every other trait explained above. Even when kids and “life” come into the picture, continuing to make your marriage a priority is a crucial factor in a long-lasting marriage. For Details read:

https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/traits-of-a-lasting-marriage/

Here is our Golden Wedding Anniversary Photo, Chateau Du Mer, Boac Mrinduque, Philippines, 2007

Meanwhile, Wishing You All....

Happy International Day of Happiness!

This year’s theme CARING AND SHARING reminds us that lasting happiness comes from caring for each other, feeling connected and being part of something bigger.

We’re encouraging 1 million extra acts of caring and sharing all around the world. And you can be part of it!

The International Day of Happiness was celebrated on 20 March, and was set up by the United Nations (UN) in 2013 as a day to celebrate the things that make people all over the world happy.

Lastly, Statistics and Demographics of THD Residents Based from the April 2025 Phone Book

Total Residents= 153,  Number of Couples= 17,  Number of Single Men= 22,   So the total number of men= 39 and total number of women = 115. That is around 1:3 Men to Women Ratio.  Note that there is one Female Resident not listed in the phone book.  We called her the Masked Lady or Ghost Lady.    

My Educated Guess, is that there are around 20 residents over 90 years old including myself. The average age of the residents is probably in the early 80's.  The 3:1 women to men ratio confirmed that women live longer than men. Does this mean that women are the stronger sex?    https://chateaudumer.blogspot.com/2024/10/why-women-live-longer-than-men.html

Newton's New Breakfast Offerings- Papeta par Eda

My Breakfast, Wednesday, April 2, 2025 plus a Cup of Coffee! No Eggs!

 A New Recipe by Carmen and her Newton's Breakfast Crew-A Potato Dish from India( Photo Above)

My Congratulations to Carmen and her Breakfast Kitchen Crew for a Variation in Our Breakfast menu and her new recipe, Papeta par Eda💚 inspired by Indian spices. It was a little spicy but I loved it. Thank you, Carmen for trying to vary some of Newton's breakfast offerings.

In general the food in Newton's is great. The salads, soups and desserts are great. However, the main menu appears to be the same every other week, except on Special Holidays. Thus a little bit of variation in the menu will be highly appreciated and will add tremendously to our quality of Life here at THD.

In the past I have been suggesting in my blogs to have a monthly special dinners featuring ethnic dishes from all over the world. There are 193 countries in the world.  There are only 12 months in a year. I would imagine it will not be too hard to have 12 dishes featured in our dinner menu, once a year. That is not asking too much. For as they say, Variety is the Spice of Life. 

Here's the recipe of the Potato Dish that Carmen featured yesterday. Carmen said this was her first time to try the recipe. I love it! The dish reminds me of Macrine's (RIP) potato soufflé recipe, that I have enjoyed for a number of years.  I have the dish without the eggs. 

💚

           The most amazing egg recipes in India are found in the Parsi community, but papeta par eda (eggs over potatoes) is hands-down my favorite. You can have it for breakfast, lunch, dinner or a snack. Sometimes it’s even prepared with potato chips instead of sliced potatoes! If you have any leftover cooked potatoes, you can reheat them in a small skillet and poach a fresh egg on top. Sprinkle with some more chopped cilantro and you have a delicious dish in minutes.

Deselect All

4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil or vegetable oil

3 red onions (about 1 pound), thinly sliced 

1 tablespoon peeled and grated fresh ginger 

1 to 5 Thai green chiles or 1 to 2 serrano peppers (depending on your spice level), finely chopped  

3 cloves garlic, grated 

1 tablespoon unsalted butter 

3 Yukon gold potatoes (about 1 pound), peeled, cut into approximately 1/8-inch slices and soaked in a large bowl of water 

Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper 

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro leaves and tender stems 

6 large eggs

Directions

Special equipment:

 a heavy skillet with a lid

1. Heat the oil in a large heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, 4 to 5 minutes. Add the ginger, chiles and garlic and cook, stirring occasionally, until the raw smell goes away, about 3 minutes.
2. Add the butter, potatoes and 2 teaspoons salt and gently stir to combine. Lower the heat to medium and cook, occasionally gently turning over the potato and onion mixture from the bottom, until the potatoes are just cooked, but still firm, about 10 minutes. Some of the potatoes should have nice crispy edges and some of the onions should be caramelized.  
3. Add most of the cilantro (reserving some for garnish) and gently stir in. Adjust the salt to taste. Gently flatten out the mixture and make 6 evenly spaced nests in it using the back of a spoon. Crack an egg into each nest. 
4. Pour 2 tablespoons of water around the edge of the skillet. Cover the skillet, lower the heat to medium-low and cook until the egg whites are set and the yolks are still slightly wobbly, 8 to 10 minutes. (Open the lid and peek every few minutes to make sure the eggs are not getting overcooked.) 
5. Sprinkle with some salt and pepper and garnish with the remaining cilantro.

From: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchen/papeta-par-eda-11148237

Meanwhile. Did you know that....

The average Filipino eats around 120 kg of rice per year? That’s more than most people in Southeast Asia! Rice is not just a side dish in the Philippines—it’s the ultimate Pinoy staple food, appearing in almost every meal. Whether it's served with adobo, sinigang, or just a simple fried egg, rice is the foundation of Filipino dining.

It's so ingrained in the culture that it's often part of every family gathering, celebration, and even daily life. No rice, no meal—that’s the Filipino way!

Lastly Did you Know that .......

In 1906, a Filipino baby was displayed at the Coney Island "Human Zoo" in New York, USA. This disturbing exhibit was part of a broader trend where indigenous Filipinos, especially Igorots, were showcased like curiosities. It was a grim reminder of colonial-era racism and the dehumanization of non-Western peoples.

Why Filipino Food is Not as Popular as Other Asian Cuisines

I was reading the City of Walnut Creek Newsletter, In a Nutshell the other day. There was an article on What's new in WC on the Dining scene. The newsletter mentioned there are more than 150 restaurants in the downtown area, but not one of them is a Filipino Restaurant. Thus, I conclude that Filipino Cuisine is considered worse compared to other Asian cuisine. Here's an article listing the six factors why Filipino Food might not be appreciated compared to other Asian cuisines.      

The perception that Filipino food is considered "worse" than other Asian cuisines can stem from several factors, but it's important to note that such views are subjective and can vary widely among individuals. Here are some reasons why Filipino cuisine might not be as internationally recognized or appreciated compared to other Asian cuisines:

1. Global Exposure: Cuisines like Chinese, Japanese, and Thai have had more exposure and influence globally, partly due to historical migration patterns and the establishment of restaurants around the world. Filipino cuisine, while gaining popularity, has not yet reached the same level of global presence.
2. Complexity and Diversity: Filipino food is incredibly diverse, with regional variations and a mix of indigenous, Spanish, Chinese, and American influences. This complexity can make it harder to define a singular "Filipino cuisine," which may lead to misunderstandings or oversimplifications.
3. Flavor Profile: Some people find that Filipino dishes can be less spicy or bold in flavor compared to other Asian cuisines, which often emphasize strong spices and bold flavors. This can lead to the misconception that Filipino food is bland or unexciting.
4. Presentation and Ingredients: Certain Filipino dishes may not be as visually appealing or may use ingredients that are unfamiliar or less popular in other cultures. For example, dishes like dinuguan (pork blood stew) or balut (fertilized duck egg) can be off-putting to some.
5. Cultural Bias: There can be cultural biases at play, where foods from Western countries or more "mainstream" Asian cuisines are favored over those from the Philippines. This bias can affect how food is perceived and valued.
6. Media Representation: The way Filipino food is portrayed in media and popular culture can influence perceptions. If Filipino cuisine is underrepresented, it may struggle to gain the same level of appreciation as other cuisines.

Despite these challenges, Filipino food has unique and delicious offerings, such as adobo, sinigang, lechon, and many others that are celebrated for their rich flavors and heritage. 

The global culinary landscape is evolving, and Filipino cuisine is increasingly gaining recognition and appreciation in various parts of the world.

“Filipino food is gaining popularity in the U.S. largely due to the increasing influence and visibility of the Filipino-American community, which is the fastest-growing among the Asian-American and Pacific Islander population,” Billy Dec, CEO of Sunda New Asian restaurants, told The Food Institute.Nov 5, 2024

Meanwhile, here's an article on the Diversity of Filipino Cuisine.

The Future of Filipino-American Cuisine Is as Diverse as the Islands

As Ang mentioned, one unique tenet of Filipino cuisine is its incredible diversity. While there are iconic dishes eaten across the country — such as adobo, lumpia and sinigang (fish) — countless other regional dishes are largely underrepresented on restaurant menus. It doesn’t help that around a whopping 2,000 of the islands that make up the Philippines are inhabited, and each one represents a unique melting pot of culture and cuisine. 

Above all else, though, the intrinsic flavors of Filipino food transcend your standard recipe. One can almost always expect salty proteins, the tang of vinegar and a fresh squeeze of citric calamansi to end up on your Pinoy plate. Communal dining — called a kamayan, meaning “by hand” — is also central to Filipino dining customs. During a kamayan, a variety of dishes are laid out on a long table atop banana leaves for joyous shared consumption. 

“Kamayan is a communal, almost sacred way of eating,” Ang says. “It brings people together as you are sharing food in an ancient way by using your hands to eat, and we believe this leaves you unguarded without utensils and judgment.”

Kamayans are also becoming a cornerstone of the emerging Filipino restaurant culture in the States, with unique interpretations being offered at Abacá, as well as in spots across the country like Big Boi in Los Angeles and at the pop-up series turned brick and mortar Kamayan ATL in Atlanta. These widening offerings represent a growth in understanding of (and demand for) Filipino cuisine, demonstrating it isn’t merely “the next big thing,” but rather, finally gaining a substantive foothold in the larger American culinary landscape and subconscious. 

Now, curious diners can enjoy a typical Filipino silog breakfast (garlicky rice called sinangag, served with a runny fried egg and protein) at Tselogs in the Bay Area, or halo-halo (a shaved ice dessert with condensed milk and ube ice cream) at Purple Yam in Brooklyn. Lasita in Los Angeles specializes in Filipino rotisserie and natural wine, Manhattan’s Flip Sigi serves up longanisa sausage tacos and you can stop by Rose Ave Bakery in Washington, D.C. for pandan coconut donuts. 

“We want people to understand that Filipino cuisine is complex and diverse, and that it’s an ever-evolving cuisine with influences from Austronesian, Chinese, Indian and other Southeast Asian cuisines,” Ang says. “We don’t want people to get stuck thinking things should be one certain way, or that they should be more traditional.”

Here's a list of Filipino Restaurant in the East Bay. Not in the List is the new Branch of Isla Grand Restaurant in Pleasant Hill, CA.

https://www.yelp.com/search?cflt=filipino&find_loc=East+Bay%2C+CA

Meanwhile Did You Know That....

On November 23, 2009, the Ampatuan Massacre became the deadliest election-related violence in Philippine history. A convoy carrying journalists, lawyers, and supporters of a political rival was ambushed and brutally murdered in Maguindanao.

The 58 victims, including 32 journalists, were buried in mass graves. The massacre exposed the culture of political warlordism and impunity in the country, sparking a long legal battle that led to the conviction of key Ampatuan clan members in 2019. I remember this news until today!

Lastly, Did you know that Adobo----

Is the national dish of the Philippines. It is the subject of intense and delicious debate across its 7,100 islands. Whether consumed in Manila's heat or on the edge of a New York winter, adobo holds the power to change moods. https://nyti.ms/3DvtZN0

Also, Did you know that tapsilog......

The famous Filipino breakfast dish—was born in a small eatery in 1986? Vivian Del Rosario, the owner of Tapsi ni Vivian, first combined tapa (cured beef), sinangag (garlic rice), and itlog (egg) into one filling meal. She even coined the now-iconic name!

Originally meant as a budget-friendly meal for jeepney drivers and workers, tapsilog quickly became a nationwide favorite. Over time, it inspired countless variations like tocilog (tocino), bangsilog (bangus), and more, making silog meals a staple in Filipino cuisine.